I do my best writing in the early hours of the morning. Having not slept at all the night before. I have always had trouble sleeping at night but can sleep like a baby during the day. This is another one of the things I hope Allah can help me with among many other. As I type my mind is dragging at a snail’s pace and it takes all I have to keep my fingers moving across the keys. There are so many subjects I would like to cover. If I sidetrack please ignore, my mind has the tendency to wander.
A big part of me is afraid of becoming a Muslim. I haven’t taken one step towards this goal. I should probably rename this blog to, “Muslimah Holding the Application Papers”. I don’t have a Quran, I don’t know how to pray, I have never even been to the Mosque. I have been to a Mosque before once to get married and to attend services when I was trying out religions. Not much honor in the last one but I was on a discovery to find myself. Have I found myself? Yes and no. Yes because I feel that a person is constantly changing and maturing. What you enjoyed or felt as a teenager or young adult easily changes as you get older. So I have come to accept that part of myself. And no because I am constantly changing and discovering who I am. When I was on that journey and attended the Mosque I went only twice. There were things I learned that I didn’t agree with or just didn’t like.
The first being the Mosque, or building really, had a line separating the men from the women. I felt that they were telling me men are better then women so they belong in the front and the lowly woman I was belonged in the back. I had a Rosa Parks moment. If she didn’t accept sitting in the back of the bus why should I accept sitting in the back! LOL I have learned that in a Mosque the men and women have completely separate rooms. I agree with the separation of the sexes now that I understand why. How can a man concentrate if he has to see my butt bent over while he prays. This can be very distracting. Men don’t deal with their sexual urges as well as women do. But it would be just as hard for a woman to concentrate if she only saw a men’s backside the entire time. LOL So this makes a lot of sense. Going to the Christian Church many people used that time to flirt and find a boyfriend or girlfriend. As a teenager with raging hormones I always made sure to look my best only so I could get the attention of a guy I liked.
The second reason was no more PORK!!!! Being from the south pork is our only form of food. Well not really but we eat a ton of it! LOL There is nothing better than a slab of BBQ’d ribs with cheeses grits on the side! I promised my husband before we married I would give up pork. I find I still eat it without thinking about it and sometimes purposely. When my husband makes me mad I would go out and buy pork eat some and bring the rest home and put it in the fridge. He would get mad and just throw it out. Food is an emotional crutch for me. I eat when I am unhappy or depressed. I won’t lie I ate pork a few weeks ago when my husband and I got into a huge fight. It’s silly I know but I feel the need to do it. I have noticed when I do eat pork it makes me sick. It is hard to very hard to avoid seeing that it is in so much food and you have to really examine labels to make sure it isn’t. Last year my child was invited to a classmates birthday party and they served pork as the main dish. Everyone was eating and asked me why didn’t I eat. I told them we don’t eat pork and the person that cooked it looked like I just said his food was horrible. I went ahead and had some just so I wouldn’t hurt the host’s feelings. I fed my child the potato salad and plain rice but I made myself another plate but with pork. I don’t know how to avoid those situations without being a rude guest. Of course people love to say your husband isn’t here and what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Many Christians fail to realize or just ignore the fact that the Bible forbids the consumption of pork something I too just learned.
The last and final is no more Oreos! When he said that after the service(don’t know what it’s called) I left and never went back. He said pork is used to make the cookies even though it isn’t listed because it is not a main ingredient. I thought to myself how can someone make such a wonderful and perfect cookie a sin. I just knew he was a crazy Muslim fanatic out to make an innocent cookie evil. When I was going everyone said they don’t they are crazy, fanatics, Godless, the usual anti-Muslim tirade. Well no Oreos proved to me they were right. LOL I don’t think they use pork anymore because most gelatin are now plant based and not animal. I was just a teenager so forgive my immature reasoning. LOL Even though pigs are filthy and disgusting animals that eat and drink their own feces and drink their urine I still crave the taste at times. I even saw the urine drinking with my own two eyes while watching the movie, “Jackass the Movie”, which I totally loved and all things Jackass. The guys are hilarious and have me in stitches. Wildboyz is another favorite of mine. You will soon learn I have the intelligence of a twelve year old and the humor of a college frat boy. Neither of which I am ashamed! LOL Maybe I should be on second thought. So this will be something I continue to work on and I’m sure it shouldn’t be a problem. I’m just glad it’s pork and not chocolate!
On a darker note recently, yesterday actually, my life has taken a drastic turn for the worse. Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any worse it does. Is this some kind of test that Allah is giving me to see if I will close my heart to him? I don’t know but I feel my heart hardening and my want fading. In a week or maybe sooner I will make a post letting you know what is this test if that is. At this moment in my life I think God hates me.
Pork in Oreo’s ?! I did not know that..Yikes, im in trouble!
Dont close your heart to Allah,it may seem like things just get worse just when you thought things couldnt get worse(and boy do I know,I can TOTALLY relate) but there’s a bigger better plan.There IS light at the end of the tunnel !!
Thank you Miss M. I hope you are right but as of right now I have no hope and see only darkness.
salam sis… I just came across your blog, and Im really busy at the mo, but I look forward to sitting down and reading your blogs insha’allah
fi amenallah
Not to give you TMI all @ once but there is daleel (proof) actually more of a long ruling written by a scholar of Islam about being able to eat certain foods that although may have started out from pork origins have gone through such technical and chemical processes that it is no longer that and that this is permissable to eat. For any sisters who would like a copy drop me a line @ my blog and I will email it insha’Allah. The source is reliable.
It pleases me to hear any interest in Islam exspecially when there are so many misconceptions and false info about this religion. I hope this blog will help you. There are so many resources on the internet. Once you learn more it will become easier to help with situations without offending anyone. Most people respect you more when you are firm with your beliefs and kindly share with them your ways. Lastly, Please know that this life we live is temporary. You can have happiness in any circumstance. Contentment and hope for eternal happiness in the next life can help make any problem we have. Don’t despair, ever. Here is a cyber hug, take care!
quick correction: I meant to write Contentment and hope for eternal happiness in the next life can help with any problem we have.
Whatever the difficulty is that you are facing at the moment, I pray that this will be a means of bringing you closer to Allah and that He will lessen your burdens.
xxx
http://strangerinthisdunya.blogspot.com
Hang in there Muslimah in Training: many who consider coming to Islam have similar concerns of the things they feel they must “give up”. The things you will “get” to replace them will be worth it.
Keep your thoughts coming!
Salaam Dear Sister:
Here is a link to hadiths, the sayings or traditions of the Prophet (pbuh).
http://sacredhadith.com/
Many you will read online are not always trustworthy, but any hadith that extols love, mercy, generosity, charity, kindness and forgiveness is most certainly true, for the blessed Prophet (PBUH peace be unto him) had all those qualities.
Ya Haqq!
Salaams sister – do you have any muslim friends? If not, I’d urge you to find some *kind* sisters to befriend, a good sisterhood can help you tremendously while in this transitional period. What area do you live in? I know sisters all over the US, perhaps you can drop me an email and I can send them your way.
One thing to keep in mind: moderation is key.
The most important thing about being a muslim is to love Allah. That means to learn about tawheed (His Oneness). You can get a Quran from anywhere, even a library. There are also many islamic books written about Him, His Messengers. The most important thing for you at this time is to learn taqwa (reverence/fear/love for Allah). All else is secondary. Vegans don’t eat pork; nuns cover their hair; Jews separate men and women as do other religions. None of this makes a person a muslim. What makes you a mumin (believer) is your iman (faith) and acceptance of one God (Allah).
I’m sorry for being so longwinded. I’m also going to make dua (prayer) that Allah strengthen you during this time and bring you closer to Him. With every difficulty, comes relief (from the Quran).
P.S. Hope this lightens things a little or at least makes you smile: Oreos do not contain pork. When in doubt, call the company. Nabisco said NO. I know Jews and vegetarians alike who also eat them.
http://www.vegsoc.org.au/product_list.asp?ProductID=55
http://www.nabiscoworld.com/brands/brandlist.aspx?SiteId=1&CatalogType=1&BrandKey=oreo&BrandLink=/oreo/memories/&BrandId=78&PageNo=1
If you want to have a blissful soul and feel the ecstasy of remembering Allah , please focus on ” Tasawwuf “.
” In Islam, every part of the deen has a science. Fiqh is the science of Islam, which governs the limbs. This is our ritual prayer, the ritual ablution, how to fast, etc… Aqeeda (Creed) is the science of iman (faith), which teaches us proper belief and how we have to belief in angels and the messengers peace be upon them etc. Iman corresponds to the heart and mind. Finally there is ihsan, which is focused on the heart, the consciousness and inward behavior. It’s corresponding science is tasawwuf or Sufism. ”
A Persian verse from a man of Tasawwuf :
“Oh Allah, do not keep my head devoid of Your Love.
Do not let me remain empty ( of love ) in this phenomenal world.
Make the poor moth reach the lamp.
Do not let the Nightingale be separated from the flower .”
source : p.214,
http://www.azharacademy.com/scripts/prodView.asp?idProduct=1897
Travelling Across Central Asia
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The traveller is a Nakhsbandi Mujaddidi Shaykh whose spiritual chain is available in the following link.
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http://www.tasawwuf.org/shaykh/silsilah.htm
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The book is so amazing !! A great spiritual journey through the Muslim lands !
The majority of Muslims see gelatine as haram though there is a very small majority who see it as ok…
But moving on!… I would say concentrate on the basics. Pork shmork – there are better things to worry about.
I was like you – ‘Muslim-curious’ for years and it took me ages to get around to not eating pork. I’m still not convinced on the dirty animal line, but I figure its not so much of a sacrifice so I don’t eat it anymore.
With regard to the test God has put your way – it is not that He hates you. God sends tests to those He loves! If this life is a training course for the next, then it is a mercy that He sends you difficult tests. This of course very hard to get your head around but some Muslims find great strength in this concept in times of difficulty. Islam is for our benefit and you have a resource in it to get you through your trying time.
I will keep you in my prayers. *hug*
I don’t know how I found this site but it must be a blessing. I married my Muslim husband 2 years ago and we have a daughter. I converted to Islam when we married more just to make his family feel better since they did everything to stop our marriage and I had ruined his mothers life in her eyes. Well I had read part of the koran and I thought I had a good understanding so I thought it would be ok for me. Well 2 years later and my husband is frustrated with me because I haven’t progressed in the religion and I feel like I am being smothered with everyones expectations. I have given up pork for the most part, but every once in a while if Im alone, I just have a little. My husband caught me last night (found a pizza box in the trash). He is very sad and dissapointed with me. I have given up my clothing, drinking, most of pork, my children from my 1st marriage don’t eat pork in the house anymore either. I am embarresed when I have to go to someones house and they have pork, most of the time I don’t eat it. But I feel alone when I am around cristians because I am diffrent, and Around Muslims I feel alone because I am different. When I met my husband he was not a good Muslim, He partied, drank, had sex with girls, didnt eat just halah meat. But since we are married he has totaly turned around. I am very happy for him and I want him to have a strong releationship with Allah. But I need to have my own without being judged by everyone. I don’t feel like there is anyone I can be just myself with anymore. I am judged by everyone. I believe in the koran, but I need my own time to process everything and follow whats right for me. With the pressure it makes me want to turn away and just say forget it. I am feeling very lost and sad.
Assalamu Alikium!
Not sure on the progress of muslimahintraining and Barbara but let me share a few things with you.
One – converting to Islam is not an overnight thing. It takes time and understanding. To stop doing something simply because it is not allowed is not enough reason. When you are at the point that you have read and researched then you will fully understand the concepts.
Two – don’t beat yourselves up. It will not help you in anyway. You make an error – you ask forgiveness. It’s like a diet . . if you make a mistake – does it help you to then devour every cookie in sight? Absolutely not – you fall of the horse – you get right back on!
Three – don’t let others judge you. You answer to Allah (SWT) alone. There are strict judgemental people out there that don’t know anything about the TRUE beauty of Islam. The first Muslims were ALL converts and some of the most loved in Islam now were the ones that took swords against Prophet Mohamed (PBUH) and his early followers.
Four – don’t convert for a man – convert for yourself. Although the man might have been the outlet that let you know a BIT about Islam – it’s not about him. It’s about you and living a good righteous life according to Allah and his messengers.
If you have any questions – please feel free to ask me. I converted when I was 21 (not for any man!!). The last 11 years have had there ups & downs – but I continued my faith in Allah.